On Interbeing, Faith in Humanity, and Knowing that You Matter

Like so many things we see posted online, shared across social media and via email, I've recently seen yet another cycle of sharing regarding the Babemba or Bemba tribe of Africa, who make their home in areas of Africa including Zambia and the Congo. It speaks of a practice which is extraordinarily profound and touching.

Being a frustrated research librarian at heart, I usually explore the origin and legitimacy of a message and information before sharing. If the message shared is negative or accuses someone of some group or some group of being harmful in any way, I most certainly want to be sure the information  and message is correct. When it is a positive message, I personally don't care if there is factual evidence behind it; I am able to take the lessons within the message to heart without a need to have facts to support or affirm the wisdom in the message. In the case of the viral sharings referring to the Babemba tribe, I researched in order to give proper credit for the message, not because I questioned the validity of the wisdom contained within.  (From the myriad posts I sifted through, what I found is that this story is originally from the book, "Contact: The First Four Minutes," by Leonard Sunin, which is out of print.)

The results of my search were striking, though not surprising, and fairly indicative of how positive news and messages are often received. I would say half of the people seem to appreciate the clear, simple wisdom contained within and don't necessarily care if it is based in fact or fiction. Others condemn the message, and those who share it, as being false, fictional, ridiculous and assorted profane adjectives (it is the Internet, after all).  Because there are horrors taking place, specifically in that part of the world, many people refuse to believe there is also good. It seems to me that many people view the world as black or white...no shades of gray.

What I propose is that we consider "What If?"  What if the message is based in truth? What if the story itself is a factual representation of a practice of another culture, not even the Babemba tribe?  What if more of us could put this practice into action, regardless of the origins or validity of the story? 

What if we choose to have more faith in Humanity and believe that a more compassionate, mindful, peaceful way of being in this world is possible, if only within our own small circles, at least at first?

What follows is the more comprehensive version of the viral message I have seen:

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, begins to talk out loud to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his/her lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, exaggerate or be facetious about his/her accomplishments or the positive aspects of his/her personality. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days and does not cease until everyone is drained of every positive comment he can muster about the person in question. At the end the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person symbolically and literally is welcomed back into the tribe.

Can you imagine if this were put into practice in other cultures?  No, really -- can you?  It would create a drastic transformation in our societies.

Another tidbit which often accompanies the Babemba message, though not necessarily attributed to them (often cited as being a South African saying), is this:

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia

Nabajyotisaikia is a compliment said to mean: “I respect you, I cherish you. You matter to me.”

In response, one replies with "Shikoba," which means, "So I exist for you."

I adore that. I absolutely adore that. To know that we matter in this world, and matter to those around us, is perhaps one of the basic needs and desires each of us has in common. To be acknowledged as existing…to be seen and heard…is often all we are really seeking in our day-to-day lives. To tell someone that they matter to you can be a tremendous gift. To hear someone say that you matter to them is a blessing.

Another term more people are becoming aware of is Ubuntu, also attributed to the Banta peoples of the South African region. It is difficult to translate into English but one way it is explained is simply this: 

Ubuntu is the essence of being human, our interconnectedness.

Archbishop Tutu:  “Ubuntu speaks of the very essence of being human. When we say someone has Ubuntu, then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, 'My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.' We belong in a bundle of life. We say, "A person is a person through other persons."

A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as if they were less than who they are.”

Nelson Mandela describes it as:

"A traveler through a country would stop at a village and he didn't have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu but it will have various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not enrich themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you to be able to improve?"

Regardless of the origins, translations, myriad attributions or factual elements, all of these messages contain a a simple truth:  They speak to our interconnectedness -- our Interbeing -- what I personally embrace as my one Absolute Truth.

I'm honored to share such messages as they cycle through these interwebs.  J

I wish you Ubuntu and Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia!

And I sincerely want you to know that YOU MATTER in this world.

Thank you for reading.


~ Dena

Let's get TEAM USA to help animals here in the US!

I'M ASKING FOR YOUR HELP IN SHARING THIS GRAPHIC and accompanying message. It's a long shot but we can try to make it viral, right? 

This idea came to me about an hour ago after reading yet another post about athletes adopting Sochi strays (which is wonderful!). I'm trying to get helping sharing it in the hope that we can actually get someone's attention -- someone who may be able to propose this to Team USA PR/community development people. If you're on twitter or other social media and can perhaps bombard any individuals or groups...rescue groups, athletes, celebrities or otherwise...to put this idea on the table for consideration for TEAM USA, I would greatly appreciate it. 

Maybe our Olympic athletes can be leaders in the realm of animal welfare and get other Olympic teams to follow in more compassionate footsteps. Unfortunately, it's often easier to engage human beings to have compassion for furry friends rather than fellow humans. Many of us are tackling that as well, but for now I'm asking for your help in supporting this idea by simply sharing this. 


#olympianssaveanimals


www.wishadoo.org

Wishadoo! on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wishadoo

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Wishadoo! on Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/Wishadoo/ 

We're getting ready to relaunch Wishadoo! as a community-owned cooperative, with more of a focus on building the community itself rather than promoting the individual tools available to put MEANINGFUL compassionate action into practice.  I can tell you now there will be a deepening to it all, with a strong focus on Interbeing|InterconnectednesI|Interdependence, not just humans but the Earth and all beings.

With Gratitude,

Dena | About Me

DO YOU LOVE YOU?

(Original post at Wishadoo.org)

It's Valentine's Day -- February 14, 2014 – and love, love, love is in the air. One day each year we're surrounded by talk of love and bear witness to ways of expressing our love for one another. 

A few days ago a dear friend posed a question which elicited a rather unusual reply from me.  I didn't realize it as I began composing my reply, but what I ended up sharing was a revelation about my core personal beliefs. In keeping with the intention to deepen my work, I'm sharing this interaction and my feelings about love this Valentine's Day.

The question posed by my friend, who was in a state of emotional distress, involved seeking spiritual guidance and the most effective, meaningful way to do that.

(Spiritual.  See, merely typing that word here, publicly, is a shift for me and part of the deepening of which I speak. I have always considered myself spiritual though not religious. What I mean by that is that I, personally, feel I have a direct connection with ______ [insert your chosen word here; I really don't have a word, which may be why I have avoided discussing in depth in the past].  I genuinely respect most people who follow a religious path or specific spiritual path, as well as those who claim the labels of atheist and agnostic. I see it all as a choice; we're each making a choice as to what we believe regarding the realm of the unseen and deeper meaning. I am one of those annoying people who freely admits I do not know anything, and I'm okay with that.)

Back to my friend's question…

We have quite a few spiritual friends in common, so I knew she would receive a lot of very helpful, specific guidance regarding others' practices and beliefs.

Yet her question triggered something within me and prompted me to dig deep and explore why most religious and/or spiritual paths don't resonate wholly with me on a personal level.

Here is what I wrote:

Do you believe, or can you open to the possibility, that part of your Being is pure love and sheer perfection? You...the unique soul imprint we know as _____. Your Highest Self, as I call it.

Like you, I also tend to get caught up in words: God, Spirit, The Universe...and get lost when I try to envision or describe God, Spirit, The Universe. So much is beyond our ability to comprehend, imho; I can't begin to put what I choose to believe into words.

When I simply go within and tap into myself, for lack of better words, and trust that part of Who I Am is Pure Love and all the wonderful qualities we attribute to God, Spirit, The Universe, that works for me.

I am more comfortable with myself than with any other being, and I believe we are each manifestations of God/Spirit/The Universe. So, I ask, I beg, I pray, I set intentions, I express gratitude...I convene with my Highest Self, trusting that in doing so I'm also convening with God/Spirit/The Universe. I have an unshakable belief in our Interbeing with all life.

To me, it's a much more simple, direct line of communication, with familiarity, and takes away some of the discomfort, confusion and perhaps even a sense of unworthiness that I sensed in your post when seeking guidance.

I wouldn't ever, ever be afraid to ask something of myself. 

I love myself. I may get disappointed and even disgusted with myself at times but, all in all, I truly and deeply love myself.

I sincerely hope you love you, my friend.  I love you.

I found myself in tears after I wrote that. I felt such tremendous love for myself. No, really, I did. I know it sounds weird, and I'm sharing this precisely because I don't think it should sound or feel weird.

We so often speak of self-love and showing compassion for ourselves and really feeling it, not just saying the words.  Over the last few weeks I've been mindful of saying, out loud, "I love you, Dena." At first it was awkward, but I broke through the awkward stage, and when I wrote my thoughts to my friend I experienced one of those euphoric moments in which I truly felt it…not only for myself but for my friend and all beings. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Many people view me as some touchy-feely, hippie, kumbaya person who espouses "love and light" for everyone and everything, so when I express disdain for someone's actions, they accuse me of being a hypocrite.

The love of which I speak here doesn't translate into me wanting to develop a relationship with every person I meet; there are people I have removed from my life because I view them as toxic, to put it mildly. Removing them from my life is the most loving action I can take for myself and the person involved.

That said, on that "higher" level – the aspect of me that embodies the highest level of my own humanity -- I can say I sincerely love them, as I don't believe they are "evil" or "bad" people in their heart of hearts.  I believe we are intrinsically connected and interdependent in an energetic sense, so I most definitely wish them well and certainly do not wish them any harm.

But I have zero interest in having them in my life, as I strongly dislike aspects of who they are and how they behave and how it all affects me.

I also believe many people who claim to be atheist or agnostic feel this same sense of Interbeing and interconnectedness of which I speak, without being able to (or perhaps without needing to) articulate it.  They recognize that all beings – all humans and all creatures and the Earth herself – are interconnected and interdependent.

I will share more soon about my experiences which have led to this unshakable belief in the interconnectedness of all beings, our Interbeing, as it is the foundation of how I have navigated my journey through life thus far.

My belief in Interbeing is contrasted with the real experience of what I refer to as "othering."  Whenever we feel a sense of disconnection and subsequently treat other beings accordingly – or experience this treatment ourselves --  the result is usually tremendous pain and suffering. Wishadoo! was created to provide a space to connect in an attempt to heal our pain and suffering, and then to inject more joy into our human experience.

In considering my friend's question, I realized that my perception of many spiritual and religious paths involves othering -- a disconnection or externalization of one's faith as being separate from ourselves as individuals. Many believe the origins and core essence of most belief systems and religions are steeped in authentic Universal Love, yet putting those beliefs into practice – including how we pray and convene with Spirit (I'll use that word here) – has become complicated and now seems to require an intermediary of sorts, be it in the form of sacred scripture, clergy, specific rituals, specific prayers, etc. 

(Please know that I realize each person's beliefs are very personal and unique, so I'm not trying to make a blanket statement; I'm sharing my own perceptions and my feelings. Our connection to All That Is is part of my belief in Interbeing, and resultant sensitivity to the pain of disconnection and othering.)

For those of you who do believe in God/Spirit/The Universe, I ask you to please consider the possibility that you may "other" Spirit at times when you doubt your direct connection.

I ask you to please consider the possibility that you may "other" yourself in a multitude of ways more often than you'd like to admit.

I ask you to take a moment to sit quietly and ask yourself: 

"Do I love me?"  

Tell yourself you do. Say it out loud, even if it doesn't feel sincere at first and even if you feel extraordinarily awkward.

"I love you, _____."

Say it until you believe it.  Do the inner work that makes it possible, that makes it authentic.

And know that you are loved.

I say with a full, wide-open heart that I love me.

I also love you.

I love All That Is.

Happy Valentine's Day.

~  Dena

P.S. – The hit song by A Great Big World, Say Something, has really struck a cord with people of all ages (see 4-year-old's emotional reaction). I can't really tell why it touches people so deeply; perhaps it's a very unique, individual reaction for each of us.  I find it poignant yet exquisite in its simplicity.  

I ask you to listen to the song and try not to take it too literally; imagine singing this to yourself.  Don't walk away from yourself, don't give up on yourself. Say something...loving to yourself.  (refresh page if video doesn't show)

Jean Vanier: On Community, Compassion and Celebration

My most recent post at Practical Compassion -- Pain:  Our Common Denominator -- featured this quote:

“I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes.” 

That is a quote by Jean Vanier, and I'm inspired this Sunday afternoon to share more of his wisdom.

I have been a fan of Mr. Vanier since reading From Brokenness to Community.  I feel a strong affinity with his way of being in this world, and how he views our journey as human beings.  His work is steeped in compassion, respect and integrity; it is my intention that Wishadoo! and all of my work are imbued with the same.

Anyone devoted to the work of alleviating suffering can find themselves overwhelmed and depressed.  Indeed, a new term has been coined in recent years:  compassion fatigue.  For many years I have spoken of employing what I call "compassionate detachment" in order to endure this "being human thing"; recognizing when it may be more compassionate to detach rather than engage directly can become a valuable survival skill in this world. Compassionate detachment can help us accept when we have done our best in any given situation and can do no more.  This approach prevents misery -- our own or others' -- from defining us, and prevents us from becoming apathetic and uncaring, allowing our work with others to continue.  It is especially helpful when we ourselves are suffering and struggling as well.

Mr. Vanier is keenly aware of the potential negative effect of the world at large on we as individuals and humanity as a collective.  It is why he stresses repeatedly that we should never lose sight of joy and celebration, no matter how dire a situation may appear, and encourages us to consider what celebration actually means.

"We must learn to celebrate.  I say learn to celebrate, because celebration is not just a spontaneous event.  We have to discover what celebration is.  Our world doesn't know much about celebration.  We know quite a bit about parties, where we are artificially stimulated with alcohol to have fun.  We know what movies and distractions are.  But do we know what celebration is?  Do we know how to celebrate our togetherness, our being one body?  Do we really know how to use all that is human and divine to celebrate together?

Staying mindful of the good that exists and, when possible, pursuing and focusing on positive action to rectify what is causing pain and suffering, allows us to embrace joy and celebration more readily.  There is no need to feel guilty about finding cause for celebration in the midst of sadness and despair.  Indeed, it those who endure the most pain -- people around the world, throughout time -- leading the way by example so beautifully.

Working toward and having hope in the world that can be, rather than become hopeless in the face of the world that is (or appears to be), is the only way I maintain some semblance of sanity and the energy to keep up the good fight.  It's about balance.

I would like to share a collection of Mr. Vanier's thought-provoking, heartfelt wisdom this Sunday afternoon, for your consideration.  I hope his words touch you in some healing way as they have me in recent years.

“This evolution towards a real responsibility for others is sometimes blocked by fear. It is easier to stay on the level of a pleasant way of life in which we keep our freedom and our distance. But that means that we stop growing and shut ourselves up in our own small concerns and pleasures.” ― Jean Vanier

“To love someone is to show to them their beauty, their worth and their importance.” ― Jean Vanier

“But let us not put our sights too high. We do not have to be saviours of the world! We are simply human beings, enfolded in weakness and in hope, called together to change our world one heart at a time. ”  ― Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

“Every child, every person needs to know that they are a source of joy; every child, every person, needs to be celebrated. Only when all of our weaknesses are accepted as part of our humanity can our negative, broken self-images be transformed.” ― Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

“Love doesn't mean doing extraordinary or heroic things. It means knowing how to do ordinary things with tenderness.” ― Jean Vanier, Community And Growth

“If we are to grow in love, the prisons of our egoism must be unlocked. This implies suffering, constant effort and repeated choices.” ― Jean Vanier, Community And Growth

“A community that is growing rich and seeks only to defend its goods and its reputation is dying. It has ceased to grow in love. A community is alive when it is poor and its members feel they have to work together and remain united, if only to ensure that they can all eat tomorrow!” ― Jean Vanier, Community And Growth

“We discover that we are at the same time very insignificant and very important, because each of our actions is preparing the humanity of tomorrow; it is a tiny contribution to the construction of the huge and glorious final humanity” ― Jean Vanier, Community And Growth

“When we love and respect people, revealing to them their value, they can begin to come out from behind the walls that protect them.”  ― Jean Vanier, Finding Peace

“Happiness comes when we choose to be who we are, to be ourselves, at this present moment in our lives.”  ― Jean Vanier, Finding Peace

“True peace can rarely be imposed from the outside; it must be born within and between communities through meetings and dialogue and then carried outward.”  ― Jean Vanier, Finding Peace

“We work for peace every time we exercise authority with wisdom and authentic love.”  ― Jean Vanier, Finding Peace

“A society which discards those who are weak and non-productive risks exaggerating the development of reason, organisation, aggression and the desire to dominate. It becomes a society without a heart, without kindness - a rational and sad society, lacking celebration, divided within itself and given to competition, rivalry and, finally, violence.”  ― Jean Vanier, Man and Woman He Made Them

Thank you for reading.

~ Dena | About Me

Kamiak High School Sandy Hook Well Tribute (video)

The story of a clean water well constructed by Well Done Organization (welldoneliberia.org) and funded by Kamiak High School in Mukilteo, Washington. The well, located in Buchanan, Liberia, was built in honor of the victims of the Sandy Hook mass shooting that occurred on December 14, 2012. Students and staff from Kamiak raised funds in just a few days as people from the Mukilteo community joined together to pay respects to the victims. Their hope was that, from such a tragic event, clean water could provide something: LIFE. 

Love. Honor. Remember.

Please visit WISHADOO VIDEO LINK to leave any comments rather than here, as the comment feature isn't working properly.  Thank you!

ACCEPT WITH LOVE WHAT IS GIVEN WITH LOVE

(Guest post by Wishadoo! Community member, Angela)

Tony, my cat, killed a robin this morning. He brought it to the door, so proud and happy, but all I could do was scream at him. As soon as I yelled, he dropped the bird and ran to hide under the barn. He was so proud, and I had broken his heart. I had looked at his gift and told him it was bad.

Not really sure what to do, I took the bird to the edge of the woods, and sat down and cried. I cried for the bird. Did it have babies? Would they survive? I cried for my cat. Would this destroy his spirit? I cried for the world; for everyone who has ever given a gift and been reproached. What happened to being truly grateful to another soul for doing something for us without being asked or guilted or obligated? What happened to looking at the gift for what it is, and only what it is -- another remembering us and wanting to make our day happier or easier?

This is what is being revealed to us as a global society. We've been so conditioned to keep our "eyes on the prize" that we've lost the joy of everything else. Yeah, a dead bird is pretty gross, but it was Tony's catly way of letting me know I'm his and he cares for me. Would that we all could sit and listen and accept and enjoy each other's gifts, even if it is the gift of company, of listening. I believe that for the entire world, this is our new task: accepting with love what is given to us with love, and taking the time to see the gift for what it is -- an expression of love.

I didn't win the PowerBall drawing last night. It would have made me happy beyond belief to win it -- alas, it didn't happen this time. I did win $10 for matching a few numbers, and I'm working on letting go of the disappointment of not winning the big money and being thankful for a $10 return on a $2 ticket bought. That's actually not too shabby, when you think about it: My investment returned to me x 5, overnight. So I'm focusing on that $10, and letting go of the thoughts of what I didn't get.. The Universe loves me, and sent me a little wink last night to remind me of that.

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COMPASSION REVOLUTION: PAKISTAN

(click images to enlarge)

The Pakistan General Elections are under way. 

Malala Yousafzai is the epitome of COURAGE and INTEGRITY, at the tender age of 15.

But she is not alone.  There is a movement afoot in Pakistan. The Charter for Compassion|Pakistan has been doing amazing work over the last few years, and have been very involved in encouraging citizens of Pakistan to have the courage to vote. 

From the Charter for Compassion|Pakistan: 

"On your marks... Get set... Vote! 

Courage will drive us to change, courage will help us identify ourselves and rise to any challenge. Courage will help us make a difference. 

Years from now, when we look back in time we can proudly say that we stood united even in the toughest of times only because we believed in a better Pakistan, and its that belief that gave us the courage to vote." 

PLEASE CLICK HERE to sign the Charter for Compassion

CLICK the image below to join the 

 GLOBAL COMPASSION REVOLUTION!

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CAN YOU LIST SIX "BIG ISSUE" PRIORITIES BASED ON WHAT YOU VALUE?

CAN YOU LIST SIX "BIG ISSUE" PRIORITIES BASED ON WHAT YOU VALUE?

It's too easy to become overwhelmed by the plethora of critical issues Humanity faces, and what we as individuals face each day in our own lives.  More and more of us are struggling to survive, fewer are thriving.

People turn away because it all feels too much, too BIG; they feel helpless, then hopeless.

We need to re-evaluate our priorities as individuals, as a society, as nations, don't you agree?

Perhaps answering this question is easier if you literally list what – and who -- you value most in your everyday life.

There are so many critical issues requiring attention in the world, it seems we must triage our situation, nationally and globally. 

Let's begin here, together, to narrow the focus.  Let's share our personal views and values, from our perspective:  the average citizen.  We can be thought leaders, too, right?

Along with listing what you feel are the most pressing problems, if you have any ideas or know of potential solutions (or organizations working on it), please share.

If you would like to be part of an ongoing conversation regarding identifying and prioritizing our values, and having a dialogue regarding how to put these values into action in practical ways in our daily lives – starting wherever you may be – please contact me to let me know.

If you're ready to dive in right now and be part of this conversation, you can join us HERE, a group created for this purpose at Wishadoo.   


(Reminder:  I'm not sure what's wrong with the comment system here, but it's not letting me read any comments  that are posted.  I apologize.  Please contact me as above.)

I'M A HUMAN BEING

The video shown below of Ronald Davis is from July 2012. The online community is trying to find Mr. Davis but, as yet as far as I know, no luck. There have been scammers setting up online fundraisers saying it's for him, but they've been discredited as being just that: scammers.

I'm posting this because this applies to SO MANY PEOPLE...people down on their luck in myriad ways, with others judging them harshly without knowing their story.

We rarely know another's story. Not really. So, in my most humble yet sincere opinion, we would do well to remember that, above all else, the stranger we encounter along our path who may be asking for our help in some way is a human being.

We need to be mindful of The Golden Rule.

It doesn't mean we are horrible people if we're cynical, but we must remember our Humanity, and see the Humanity in others. Maybe we can take the time to learn more about their story before making assumptions and judging others harshly.

NOTE:  I cannot figure out the new commenting system here on blogger to save my life, so if you would like to comment (and have me see it), please see this same blog post at Wishadoo:

http://www.wishadoo.org/blog/149/im-a-human-being/

Thanks!

PLEASE TAKE OUR QUICK "COMPASSION POLL"

LOVE IS THE ANSWER

Earlier today a friend mentioned this song.  

In the face of personal tragedy and loss, and witnessing the tragedy and loss all around us, this song from her youth came to mind.

"Love is the Answer," by England Dan and John Ford Coley

This song is from the 70's, but the words are perhaps even more pertinent today.  

The lyrics are included under the video.

Indeed, Love is always the answer.  Simple, not always easy.

Songwriters: RUNDGREN, TODD/POWELL, ROGER/SULTON, KASIM/WILCOX, JOHN

Name your price
A ticket to paradise
I can't stay here any more
And I've looked high and low
I've been from shore to shore to shore
If there's a short cut I'd have found it
But there ain't no easy way around it

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all
Set us free
Love is the answer

Who knows why
Someday we all must die
We're all homeless boys and girls
And we are never heard
It's such a lonely world
People turn their heads
And walk on by
Tell me is it worth just another try


Are we alive
Or just a dying planet
What are the chances
Ask the man in your heart for the answers
And when you feel afraid

Love one another
When you've lost your way
Love one another
And when you're all alone
Love one another
And when you're far from home
Love one another
And when you're down and out
Love one another
And when your hopes run out
Love one another
And when you need a friend
Love one another
We got to love one another

THIS IS MARTIN

This is Martin, 8.  He died in the Boston bombing yesterday. He was at the finish line with his family, waiting for his dad to cross. His mother and little sister were catastrophically injured. He was the student of Rachel Moo, who shared this image.

The poster says:  NO MORE HURTING PEOPLE.  PEACE.

Martin created this poster to convey his thoughts after Trayvon Martin was killed.

His message resonates powerfully today.

I'm sharing this as a way of tribute to his too-brief, but immeasurably valuable life by following his example.

(Seen on Facebook)


I want to share this message today as well:

~ Dena 

THE SIMPLE ACT of VALIDATION & ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

When you can spare five minutes, please use it to watch the touching video seen below.

It shows interaction between Naomi Feil, who developed what she has termed Validation Therapy for older people with cognitive impairments and dementia. In this video she is administering Validation Therapy to Gladys Wilson, an elderly Alzheimer's patient who is non-communicative.

The basic principle of the therapy is the concept of validation or the reciprocated communication of respect which communicates that the other's opinions are acknowledged, respected, heard, and (regardless whether or not the listener actually agrees with the content), they are being treated with genuine respect as a legitimate expression of their feelings, rather than marginalized or dismissed.

Don't we all crave such acknowledgement and validation? Don't we all deserve this?

This need isn't limited to those who are elderly or sick or suffering in some way. Indeed, it is believed that  needless suffering is often created as a result of the lack of validation and acknowledgement by other human beings.

To be acknowledged is to be seen, to be heard. We can acknowledge someone with a simple smile or greeting rather than look beyond them as though they do not exist. Whether it is a loved one, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor, a clerk or server, strangers on the street or the bus, validate their existence with a hug, a smile, a "hello" or wave, or simply make eye contact. Acknowledge that you see them.

Truly listen when others speak, rather than formulate your reply without hearing them. Acknowledge that you hear them.

The simple act of validation and acknowledgement can change lives, and it's a simple act every single one of us has the ability to do when we encounter another human being.

Jiffy (Cornbread Mix) Shows the Spirit of Wishadoo!

Today, I stumbled upon a wonderful article by Cory Suter of Policymic, which tells the story of one of America's oldest companies.  





"JIFFY" Mix is a product of Chelsea Milling Company, operated by a family whose roots in the flour milling business date back to the early 1800’s. They have been milling flour in Chelsea, Michigan, for over 120 years.

Mr. Suter's article shares why, in his view,  there are "7 Reasons This Muffin Mix Can Save America."  Here are the first three:

1. Jiffy mix sells over 55% of all muffin mixes in the United States, but doesn't spend a dime on advertising.
2. Jiffy mix denies Wall Street a chance to make money from other people's work.
3. Jiffy mix management treats their employees the way they would like to be treated.

I happen to agree and encourage you to read the entire article.  In fact, Mr. Howdy Holmes (CEO) and his company put Wishadoo!'s vision and values into action, combining a dedication to community, cooperation and compassion in practical, time-honored ways.

As Mr. Suter so astutely states, "One of the world's most widely recognized ethical standards is to do to others as you would have them do to you. By separating the owners and executives of companies from the communities where these same companies do business, the corporate structure of business has increasingly lost sight of this traditional American ethic. Cutting employee benefits and jobs to enrich Wall Street has become almost as common as hidden fees, and hiring lobbyists to gain unfair competitive advantages.

Small businesses and exceptional American companies like Jiffy mix, built our country's once-broadly shared prosperity. Sadly, thanks to Wall Street greed, large civic-minded companies are a dying breed. If all companies were as ethical as Jiffy mix, then most Americans could support the far right agenda to get rid of all the regulations. The best solutions are, of course, not so simple. We need commonsense protections from corporate abuse at the same time we need to scale back regulations that exist primarily to give big businesses advantages over competitors. Because, so few companies are like Jiffy mix, America needs a smart government of the people, by the people and for the people."

Indeed.  Kudos to Cory Suter.   Kudos to Policymic for being a platform for sharing the insight, thoughts and wisdom of Millenials, and HUGE kudos to JIFFY Mix for setting a brilliant example of integrity in business.

ONE MORE DAY (guest post)

by Angela, of the Wishadoo! Community

It's Easter morning -- the most important day of the year for Christians.  

Even those of us whose faith is tenuous find it in ourselves at Easter, and come together in houses of worship to praise and be thankful for salvation.   Although I was raised in the Christian tradition, and still hold in my heart many of those tenets (Love Thy Neighbor, Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You,  What You Do For the Least of These You Do For Me, etc.), 

I consider myself more of a "sampler" of religions -- I find what speaks to my heart and adopt that as my "religion".  Many people take issue with that, but in my humble opinion, religion is a personal choice.  It is a way to communicate with God/Spirit/The Universe/My Higher Self, so why shouldn't it be personalized to what works for me?  (AND, I'm off on a tangent)   Regardless of your religion, however, it's still a lovely time to be with family and celebrate and be thankful for the return of springtime.  After a long night of rain, we're seeing a glimpse of sunlight and hearing the lilt of birdsong, so our fears of a wash-out were unfounded.

I awoke around dawn this morning, went to check on my elderly mother -- my beloved mama -- and made the coffee.  She was still sleeping peacefully and looked so warm and cozy that I didn't have to heart to wake her, so she's still asleep, and I get One More Day with her.  We had talked about going to church today, and that could still happen, but right now she's so peaceful, I refuse to interrupt her slumber.  We have so few peaceful nights that I consider this a heavenly gift, and I will not ruin it by forcing her to get up and get ready for church.  She doesn't do well when she's rushed or being forced, so we'll see how the day goes.  We may make it to church, and we may not.  Perhaps we'll pack a picnic lunch and go to the park.  What better way to give thanks for creation than to be in nature (or as close an approximation as we can get in the city) and appreciating it for a while.  It's supposed to be very warm, finally, so she'll enjoy being out in the sun and watching the kids.


This is my first time blogging on Wishadoo.  Dena asked me to write about my experiences being a care-giver, and until now I haven't had to energy or time or nerve or whatever to do it, but this morning seemed like a good time for a new beginning, given the symbolism of this day.  So, here's it is -- my very first blog entry.


In the past few years, I've weathered challenges and hardships I would never have thought I'd have the strength to face, but face them I have, with as much Grace as I could pull from within myself.  And you know what?  When I had no more Grace myself, someone would always come along to share theirs with me.  There are angels among us -- I have absolutely no doubt about that -- from the kind gentleman who helped me when I broke the heel of my shoe and fell into the road in heavy traffic, to the kind lady from the animal shelter who gave us cat food when we couldn't afford to buy it, to the kind online friend who generously offered to help me find work-from-home employment so that we can have some sort of income, to dear friends who have helped us with financial and moral support, to kind strangers who have helped us out financially, to my sweet cousins who have helped us out with tangibles and with loving support, to the compassionate and loving soul who created Wishadoo so that we'd have a place to gather.  Plus, there are so many people who've crossed our path, helped us in some way, and gone on their way -- sometimes without telling us their names -- and I have no way of thanking them personally.  These are angels among us.


I know that her condition is degenerative, and will eventually take her from us, so my concern for now is making what time she has left on this planet as pleasant and uncomplicated for her as possible.  People say to me "you've given up your life to care for her.  why don't you put her in a nursing home?" and I understand their concern is for me, but as I've tried to explain to them, my life will continue long after she's gone and there may come a time when I can no longer give her the care she needs, but for now I can, and I get ONE MORE DAY.  And for that I am thankful.

NIKOLA TESLA + FRED ROGERS = WISHADOO!

Sometimes a simple graphic conveys an organization's entire mission.  Here are two which give a better feel for Wishadoo!'s intentions and reason for being.  (click them to enlarge)

I miss Mr. Rogers...and his neighborhood. What a kindly gentleman, what a big heart. ♥

I think Mr. Rogers would have loved Wishadoo! -- don't you? :)

Please join us at Wishadoo!

WE NEED A GLOBAL BOATLIFT

3/19/13 | 12:30:05 PM; by Dena Patrick; Founder, Wishadoo.org

“They were feeling helpless, and that’s the worst feeling in the world.  I told my wife, ‘I have to do something.  I am going to take the Amberjack to the city and help.  I have to do what I have to do.  Nobody can stop me right now.  Even if I save one person or rescue one person, that’s one person less who will suffer and die.'”   Vincent Ardolino; Captain, Amberjack V

On September 11th, 2001, as hundreds of thousands fled south from the burning towers, people quickly discovered something we often forget: that Manhattan is an island. As officials closed all bridges, tunnels and commuter lines linking Manhattan to the rest of the world, people were trapped.

The little-told story of what happened next is the focus of a documentary short film (see video below), BOATLIFT, narrated by Tom Hanks. The film premiered at the Center for National Policy’s 9/11 Ten Year Anniversary Summit, in Washington, D.C.

BOATLIFT is the story of the largest maritime evacuation in history.

On 9/11, over 500,000 people were rescued from Manhattan’s seawalls in just nine hours.   This is the story of the resilience of the every day people at the scene that day, and the brave community who sail the waters of New York’s Harbor.

As the buildings fell, hundreds of boats of all types rushed towards the disaster. They did so at great personal risk.  These heroes pushed their boats into the harbor, and filled over and over with dazed passengers.  That the evacuation was unplanned and unrehearsed is remarkable. But what is even more impressive is that not a single person was injured in the process.

The story of the 9/11 boatlift is a reminder of the sense of shared purpose and resilience that pervaded New York – and the world – in the immediate aftermath of the attacks.

It is also a reminder of how helping one another, even in the face of seemingly overwhelming suffering is how we survive and thrive.  One person, one step at a time.  As Mr. Ardolino said:  Even if I save one person or rescue one person, that’s one person less who will suffer and die.

Many around the world are frightened and feel alone, in despair.  The world does not feel safe; they don’t know how they are to survive from day to day.  This is true in the United States and all countries around the world.

We need to come together for a global boatlift. 

In these modern times, with myriad forms of communication at the fingertips of so many, there is no need for anyone to feel so desperately alone and hopeless.

We each have something to offer the world, even if we are suffering ourselves.  Every single person has the capacity to offer empathy and moral support.  That is priceless, and it may open the floodgate to the many other ways we can be of service to one another without realizing it.

It is a choice.  Do you choose love or fear?  The mariners shepherding survivors on 9/11/01 chose love and compassion, in spite of their own fear.

One person at a time.  Reach out to one person at a time, and allow others to reach out to you as well.  Surely we can come together to rise above the current challenges and create a new way forward, a way of compassion, cooperation and authentic community.  We must embrace the better angels of our nature and be of good courage, knowing we are not alone.

I invite you to join others who believe in the power of community and have faith in Humanity, and know that we can do better. 

Are you ready?  Please visit www.wishadoo.org